Key Ring

There are many ways to measure a man. Height, wealth, athletic prowess. All the traditional ways men are compared to one another in our society. But men everywhere know that these things don't really matter. There's only one thing that truly shows how important you are as a man. Your key ring.

That's right. You judge a man not by the color of his skin but the contents of his key ring. Men with lots of keys are important. Men with a few keys don't have as much status. Men with lots of keys clip them to a belt loop and let them noisily jangle against one another so that everyone in earshot knows how important they are. Men with a few keys slip them in their pocket and try to hide their inferiority.

Today, I'm not sure if I took a step forward or a step backward in the world of the man key ring status but my key ring is forever changed. My wife joined the rewards club at Babies R Us and clipped a little barcode to my key ring. Whenever I go to Babies R Us now and buy some stuff, I give them my keys and they keep track of my spending, offer me discounts here and there. Like they do at the grocery store.

So now my key ring has grown and my status increased. But, at the same time, it's not a terribly manly addition and I'm feeling conflicted. Perhaps a even a little keyed up.

Listening To: Cock Rock by Diesel Boy