Bad Days

I'm not having a bad day today.

But I want to do a post on bad days at this moment in time for precisely that reason. It's hard to reflect on a bad day when you're smack in the middle of one. It's better to think about them when you're removed from the situation. So here goes:

If you have a bad day at work, you can go get a cup of coffee or walk around a bit by yourself to collect your thoughts. Sometimes you have to wait the whole day until you can unwind at home but eventually you are afforded that respite at 5:00.

The problem with having a bad day as a stay-at-home dad is that you absolutely cannot get away from it. You can't simply leave your child somewhere and go get coffee. You have to take them with you. And what's more, you feed off each other. Your bad mood affects your child like a storm spins off tornadoes. You get stressed and screw something up and they start crying which stresses you out and creates more screw ups. More tears. More stress. It's a cycle of the vicious variety.

And when 5:00 finally rolls around, you can't really go home because you're already there!

Naptime can offer a break but usually that's when you try to accomplish all the stuff you've been putting off all day. That break is often the busiest, most condensed part of your day.

Plain and simple, bad days are a stay-at-home dad workplace hazard like shocks are to electrician and zebra bites are to a zoo keeper.

What I find helps is if I identify that first thing that started the whole downward slide and then trying to deal with that. Usually, a single small snag will set off a chain reaction of other snags resulting in a whopping bad mood. Sometimes, if I can fix that original snag, that prime mover, other things start to fall into place too.

I can't think of a good example at the moment which may be proof positive that this method of damage control doesn't actually work. But as soon as I can remember an instance where it worked, I'll blog about it.

And then you'll be sorry you ever doubted me. You might be so sorry you wind up in a bad mood.

Listening To: Clouds Taste Metallic by The Flaming Lips

182nd Post - Half Way Through

This blog post is my 182nd post. That mean that I'm halfway done with my year as a stay at home dad. So what have I learned? What are my major reflections on the state of fatherhood?

• Money is Good - You should try to get as much money as you can. Lots of it. Big bags of it. A Scrooge McDuck style vault where you can swim in it. This year off has put a lot of pressure on our finances. I really appreciate the value of a buck now.
• Babies are Awesome - I used to think babies were a little unnerving. I guess you really just have to have one of your own before you get over it. They're not unnerving. There great! Baby J is a joy to have around.
• Vagina Care - I won't get too graphic here but let's just say I know a lot about diapering baby girls now.
• Parenting Style - Like artists, each parent has a unique style which isn't easy to sum up in a neat package. I've learned that prefer for Baby J to do things on her own, without my help. If she falls down, she picks herself up. I see it as fostering independence. Others might see it as detached and aloof. TAH-mato, ta-MAH-to.

There you have it. One hundred and eighty two days worth of wisdom. Check back soon. New revelations happen all the time. I should write them all down into a book or something. All I need is a title. Hmmm...I got it! The Book of Revelations.

50%

The Lowdown

A few people have told me that they miss the comics I used to post here at Dawn of the Dad. They ask me why I haven't made any recently and I generally don't have an answer for them. But I think it might have something to do with all the other stuff going on at the moment. So here's a list of what I'm up against each and every day in part to account for the absence of comics and in part just so I can look back on this someday and say, "Wow! I was a busy dad."

1. Baby J's changing Behavior - She's growing and does not like it when I do anything except play with her or follow her around. I get what I need to get done during naptime.
2. Grad School - I am a full time graduate student and take classes at night. I have to do all kinds of projects and reports. I just completed a few midterm exams. I'm being taught how to be a better teacher. And just by reading this, you are being taught that I am being taught to be a better teacher. Go tell someone else and continue the chain ad infinitum
3. YA Novel - A lightning bolt of inspiration struck me about a month back and I began work on a young adult novel. I work furiously on it when I can at the exclusion of all other creative projects I have going at the moment. Usually I try to bang out about 1,000 words a day. Things have been going well so I usually do better than my goal.
4. Regular Blogging Duties - I'm not sure when or why I decided I would write each and every day about Baby J related happenings but that's what I do and I can't stop now. I've kept up with it really well so far and oddly enough my readership has been growing. I owe it to my devoted fan base which at its core is pretty much just my mom and dad.
5. Dishes - I do a lot of dishes

So there you have it. No time for comics. In the words of the great Uli Kunkel, "no funny stuff."

FIRSTS: Ponytail

Today was a big day for me. It was the first time I was successful in getting Baby J's hair up in a pony tail. She's had ponytailable hair for a good long while but I've never been able to secure her hair appropriately with those danged little hair ties. My fingers are too stubby to manipulate them and she's too squirmy. It's just a mess.

But today, I just went for it.

It came out a little lopsided and she whimpered in protest but we got it done. I figure we can only imporve from here.

New Car Seat

Since Baby J is older she outgrew her old car seat. My wife and I had new ones put in and it's taken a lot of getting used to. Primarily it's the straps that are the biggest problem. They twist and get all knotted and force you to stand hunched in the backseat of your car while your baby scowls at you impatiently.

So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to write a scathing review right here at Dawn of the Dad unless the makers of this particular car seat pay me one million dollars. I will ravage their reputation with my unique brand of rambling nonsensical wit and bring their empires to ruin!

Now you may be saying, "but you never told us who the manufacturer was?" Don't you see? That's all part of the plan. If I keep them all guessing, then they'll all pay me a million dollars!

Aw, screw it. It's from Evenflo. The model is called the Ambassador or something like that.

Listening To: Tago Mago by Can

Periphery

Put Baby J in any enclosed space (i.e. playpen, living room, library, etc.) and she will walk until she reaches the periphery. This boundary is then smacked, pushed, grabbed, yelled at, and then eventually treated to a chorus of snivels and moans.

I'm pretty sure this is just part of the age but, if this trend continues, Baby J is going to grow into some kind of jungle explorer or spelunker. Always pushing outward and away. She's going to be the kind of kid who lies awake in the middle of the night wondering what's beyond the edge of the universe.

Who knows. Maybe someday when she's old enough and technology catches up to her demands, Baby J will fly out to the edge of the universe, the periphery of everything and snivel at it.

Everything Takes Care of Itself

At the moment of fertilization, a single cell is formed with two halves of the requisite genetic information needed to make a human being. That single cell begins to divide into more cells. The daughter cells continue to divide and differentiate into various types of tissue. Organs form. Complete systems take shape. The elaborate task of assembling a baby goes on quietly with out mom or dad really having to do anything.

The whole system is set up so that you don't really have to do much. Just eat and sleep right. Try not to stress out too much and everything is supposed to take care of itself.

Once the baby is out, it's a different story though, right? Well, actually, I'm not so sure. Childhood seems to be a process that takes care of itself too. You just kind of hang back with a sippy cup and a bunch of food and let the kid develop. You can't hasten a child's language acquisition any more than you can speed up the assembly of their nervous system in utero. You can't force them to walk anymore than you can force them to stop kicking mom from the inside prior to birth.

The whole system is designed so that you have to do a lot (change diapers, adjust temperatures, wipe noses, provide love) but once those basic biological needs are met, children walk, grow, learn, dance, and say funny things all on their own. Baby J is a determined, friendly, vivacious little person and I can't say that either my wife or I consciously helped her to develop these traits. I'm not downplaying the importance of parents in a child's life. I'm merely saying that formation of new life has been happening on planet earth for billions of year. It's a refined process and we would be wise to revere it rather than try to reshape it as we see fit.

The Perfect Baby

The other day. I was at a play group with a couple moms. While their children played, they compared notes about them and their development. How many teeth they had, when they started walking, how many hours they slept, etc. I largely stayed out of the conversation because, as I've said before, I don't like comparing children to one another, especially at such a young age.

But it got me thinking. Are moms and dads really comparing their children to one another or are they comparing them to some ideal perfect baby, some mythical golden child?

To examine this further, I looked at what criteria parents normally cite when comparing babies:

1. A baby should be a good sleeper. The longer the better.
2. A baby should have several teeth. Again, the more, the merrier. Good strong teeth.
3. A baby should have hair. Bald babies are cute but the most desirable babies have lots of hair.
4. A baby should be able to walk upright on its own.
5. A baby should eat anything you give it. Apples, carrots, steak, tree bark. It doesn't matter.

So there you have it, the qualities of the ideal child. As a visual aide, I've provided a picture of a specimen that matches the aforementioned criteria.

It sleeps all winter long, has lots of teeth and hair, can walk upright, and will eat pretty much whatever you'd care to stick into its mouth.

This may explain why children are often given teddy bears rather than stuffed pelicans or plush musk oxen. I will have to pursue this theory at a later date.

Curtains

Baby J's new favorite game is to run and hide behind the curtains in our kitchen. She loves it when I pick up the curtains exposing her hiding spot and then let them slowly fall back over her. This sequence whips her up into an absolute frenzy. She squeals with delight, waves her arms like crazy, and loses her balance.

Genearlly speaking, our kitchen is the worst place in the house to lose your balance. The cold ceramic tiles are most unforgiving and we've had many occasions when frenetic play turns to tragedy when Baby J takes a spill and bumps her head on the floor. A trifecta of tears, snot, and drool scatter everywhere as she howls in pain.

But soon after, she's back at it, hiding behind the curtains, and giving me a huge muppet smile when I find her.

Listening To: The Complete Woolly Bully Years by Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs

Telephone

Baby J has picked up on how mom and dad use cell phones. To her it must look as though we simply hold small, plastic things to our head and talk to no one because that's what she's begun to do.

She has a little plastic play cell phone but she hardly uses it like we use our cell phones. Instead, Baby J takes pretty much everything else, holds it to her ear, and then babbles in an incoherrent and entirely one-sided conversation.

Or maybe it's not one-sided. Maybe she's actaully having a conversation with another babbling baby somewhere out there. I wonder what they would talk about.